Bill Maher took one look at Jeffrey Epstein’s alleged suicide note and immediately thought of President Donald Trump.
During Friday night’s episode of Real Time with Bill Maher, the comedian used his opening monologue to riff on the unauthenticated note that surfaced earlier this week and was reportedly written by Epstein shortly before his 2019 death.
The document was allegedly discovered by a former cellmate whom Epstein had previously accused of trying to kill him. According to reports, the note was written just weeks before the convicted sex offender was found dead in his cell at Metropolitan Correctional Center.
“They found Jeffrey Epstein’s suicide note,” Maher told the audience. “Apparently, it was from the guy — his cellmate — who Epstein says tried to kill him, but he’s the guy who found the note. And it says, ‘They investigated me’ — and then in all caps, it says, ‘FOUND NOTHING!!!’ Who does that sound like? I can’t quite place it…”
Maher let the implication hang for a beat before delivering the punchline.
“No, I’m not suspicious,” he said. “But the note does end with, ‘Thank you for your attention to this matter!’”
The alleged note itself is a strange read. In addition to the line, “It is a treat to be able to choose one’s time to say goodbye,” it also quotes The Little Rascals with, “Whatcha want me to do — Bust out cryin!!” It closes with one last emphatic declaration: “NO FUN – NOT WORTH IT!!”
Maher didn’t stop there.
Later in the monologue, he pivoted to the long-running legal battle between Blake Lively and Justin Baldoni, joking that a “peace deal” had finally been reached.
“Not the Iran war, Blake Lively and Justin Baldoni,” he clarified.
“For like a year this went on, all this arguing and suing,” Maher said. “And then it turns out, no settlement money at all.”
And because no Maher monologue is complete without one final jab, he took a shot at It Ends with Us, the movie at the center of the dispute.
“Over a movie called It Ends With Us that everybody hated,” he said. “It was harder to get through than the Strait of Hormuz.”
Real Time with Bill Maher airs Fridays at 10/9c on HBO.
