We’re back with another edition of Quotes of the Week.
In our list below — which rounds up the best sound bites of the past seven days — you’ll find nearly a dozen shows represented, including “Beyond the Gates,” “Star Trek: Strange New Worlds,” “Married at First Sight,” and “Big Brother.”
Also featured in this week’s roundup: “My Life With the Walter Boys” heals from a break-up, “Days of Our Lives” celebrates the merits of water, and “The Challenge” takes a shot at short kings. Plus, we’ve got double doses of “Ted Lasso,” “House of the Dragon,” and “Stuart Fails to Save the Universe.”
Scroll through the list below to see all of our picks for the week, then hit the comments and tell us if we missed any of your faves! (With contributions from Nick Caruso, Rebecca Luther, Dave Nemetz, Kimberly Roots, Ryan Schwartz, and Andy Swift)
Beyond the Gates
“Whatever happened between you and Bill in that elevator has reignited your feelings for the man.”
“I didn’t tell you that so you could throw it in my face every two seconds.”
“Don’t be dramatic… it’s been at least a full day.”
Dani (Karla Mosley) already regrets telling Vanessa (Lauren Buglioli) about her latest tryst with ex-husband Bill
Days of Our Lives
“While we’re on the subject of water…”
“Were we?”
“Oh, I’m never not talking about water. Water is everything. She’s the most popular girl in school and the nerd who does that girl’s homework for her. Water is the quiet architect of everything that we take for granted in life.”
We wish we loved anything as much as John Oliver’s “Days of Our Lives”character, chief water inspector Devlin St. John, loves good ol’ H2O
Big Brother
“You know what they say about big feet… big socks!”
Drew cracks a joke during the wall competition after Bigfoot crashes the backyard
The Challenge
“I don’t know why this guy thinks that he has any type of a chance with me. On top of that, why would I go for a man that’s shorter than me? I would never!”
After getting pulled into a non-existent love triangle, Nurys indirectly takes a shot at short kings everywhere
House of the Dragon
“Take your greybeards over the walls, overwhelm them with your northern fighting spirit, and open the gate from within. But you are not to die until you open the gate.”
“Aye. Gate open, then die.”
Ser Roderick Dustin (Tommy Flanagan) lets Daemon (Matt Smith) know he’s very clear on the mission at Tumbleton
House of the Dragon (Bonus Quote!)
“I’m aliiiiiiiiiive! Imbecile.”
Aegon (Tom Glynn-Carney) gives one of the best line readings we’ve heard all year
Star Trek: Strange New Worlds
“I know 600 different words for ‘bad.’ This is worse than all of them.”
A dangerous situation on a black-and-white planet leaves even language expert Uhura (Celia Rose Gooding) at a loss for words
My Life With the Walter Boys (Episode 9)
“Do you know that I have been haunted by the night that you broke up with me? Replaying it in my head over and over again, trying to figure out what I did, if I was really boring. And then I realized it doesn’t have anything to do with me. You are just not capable of caring about anybody but yourself!”
“You’re right.”
“Okay. Great. Now here comes the self-pity. Well, you know what’s actually boring? Is your drinking and your sleeping around and the rest of your Cole Walter bad-boy act because you feel sorry for yourself. Well, for the record, I pity you because I will get over how much you hurt me. But you will never stop regretting what you threw away.”
Jackie (Nikki Rodriguez) has the last word after her abrupt break-up with Cole (Noah LaLonde)
Married at First Sight (Episode 15)
“I think you are who you created yourself to be, but a lot of times when people use words like ‘vibes,’ like ‘ripping it,’ ‘cooked,’ they’re simplifying it into one word because they don’t have the vocabulary or emotional intelligence to describe what they’re actually feeling.”
Is it fair to say Shawn just cooked Adam?
Ted Lasso
“I will always show all of my support to all women — in all times, in all ways.”
“Does that include Ghislaine Maxwell?”
“Not her, of course.”
“What about Eva Braun?”
“Well, obviously not.”
“Cruella De Vil?”
“Oh, come on! She’s not even real!”
Yeahhhh… Rebecca (Hannah Waddingham) might’ve overpromised
Ted Lasso (Bonus Quote)
“I’m no masochist, coach, but when I go the dentist, no novocaine. I don’t drink, I don’t use oven mitts… if someone offers me earplugs at a concert, I put them right in my mouth and eat them like candy.”
“You could just put them in your pocket.”
“Let me ask you: Do you prefer with a condom or without?”
[Awkward silence]
Intense new goalie Boots (Jude Mack) renders Ted (Jason Sudeikis) speechless
Stuart Fails to Save the Universe
“Stuart, please, you need help. I miss you. The children miss you.”
“I’m a dad?”
“You’re a wonderful dad. Jayden and Talia love you so very much.”
“Okay, I’ll do the work. I’ll get better.”
“Thank you.”
“Whose idea was it to name them Jayden and Talia?”
“Yours!”
“Ohhhh… I do need help.”
Stuart (Kevin Sussman) can spot a red flag no matter which universe he’s in
Stuart Fails to Save the Universe
“I don’t want to put pressure on things or push you too much, but Momma really missed her Big Daddy.”
“Uh… I’m Big Daddy?”
“Yeah, you are!”
“Okay. Just checking. ‘Big’ is a great adjective.”
“Mhmm.”
“Unless you’re talking about a suspicious lump.”
Stuart (Kevin Sussman) isn’t quite at Denise’s (Lauren Lapkus) level when it comes to dirty talk
